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AwkwardScience

L.H.
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I intend to reiterate my log of personal events.
This is a function I intend to keep for myself, in order to better recall events in my life.

In the past year since my last journal entry I've changed in many ways. It's true I always say that, but I hope that I always can say that.

Unfortunately this year is not what I was hoping it would be for me. My first year of college was full of unfolding excitement and adventure and new experience. Maybe it's part of the normal cycle but this year seems redundant and dull.

I quit my stifling job at the doctor's office and am without work and took only four classes this semester which has left me with far too much free time. It would seem like this is a good thing at first glance but I miss being busy and it has given me a tendency to return to my slacker habits from high school. Being less involved at school has made it harder to make friends since it is the prime hub of socialization.

I fear becoming emotionally distant and I miss my family and high school friends terribly. My car is disabled, without brakes, though this has been something of a mixed blessing since not using it saves money and the feeling of riding my bike again is nice.

It feels like there are always more things I mean to get done than things that actually do get done. The days slide quickly from one into the other and before I realize they're here they've all but slipped through my hands, nothing done, nothing completed. Maybe it's just the waning daylight hours.

More and more I've been drawn to an interest in a secular image of Christ I've been cultivating. As the world's most well known preacher of non-resistance and pacifism, he is an inspiration to me since I carry the same beliefs as being key to successful human global living. However I, as a human in 2010 can see an immense amount of the after-effects of a successful attempt to bring these ideals to mankind. Christianity became a major religion, but the atrocities committed in the name of a man who practiced total non-violence are shocking to behold. As is the practice of clinging desperately to the most improbable portions of biblical text, as though the main point of "The boy who cried wolf" was a note on how to best protect your sheep. I am not an expert on religious history, however, so I will not attempt to pass any judgement on crusaders or fundamentalists. I'm sure there are reasons for them beyond my ken.

I've been terribly unhappy lately, I hope soon I will be able to feel as good as I have been feeling about life until this semester came.
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Independance

2 min read
This is my last weekend left of this life.
A life under the roof of my parents. The grass and flowers that I see through the same glass door that I've seen them for five years still nod and sway the same as always.

Change is so powerful.
You know?

No. It's hard to wrap your head around it.
Impermanence. Like the fourth dimension. Time. It is the fourth dimension.

Every aspect of my childhood. . . every bug caught, every book read to me by a parent, every toy lost, every school field trip, every best friend. . . is now. . . and always will be. Past. History. Memory.

Some I will retain for a lifetime.
Others will doubtless be forgotten.
Because humans suffer from a thing terrible and glorious, hideous and necessary, unwanted and utterly good.

Planned obsolescence.
Every see the sequel to "The Brave Little Toaster"?
That's where I first heard the word.
Appliances that are made to break after a few years so they have to be replaced.
That way the company keeps making money.

People are built this way.
We're made to fall apart after a while.
On the cosmic scale of things a very short while.
I understand why Keats was so fascinated with the idea that he'd die before he got to do all the things he wanted.

If there's one thing that's still terrifying to me it's thinking about all this change. This chaos and the temporariness of everything.

But I have spun off in a different direction than where I what I wanted to talk about.
I'm moving out now. I'm going to live my own life.
It's such a strange feeling. For years I watched kids do this and now it's my turn.
I'm really actually very excited, but it's got me so emotional it's hard to tell.
I doubt my life will be this simple and easy for a long time.

Well.

I have three more days of it.
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cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/1979-O…

AC, a radio, and coffin rollers.
What more does a guy need?
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Indeed.
Yeah. . . I just sort of randomly discovered that my deviation "Bullets" is on the first page for that search reference. ^^

This might not seem like a big deal but considering there are more than 10,000 search results for bullets I was pretty pleased. Lmao

I was wondering how people kept finding that one. . .
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Waaahhh. . .

1 min read
Yeah. . .
I'm gonna try to comment more soon. X3
Bwah, I got a new ID up.
I totally gave up on the winter comissions. :surrender:
I have no idea what I was thinking.
I was doomed from the beginning.
There was no way I could have kept track, much less finnished a shot for everyone on my list.
I still haven't uploaded photos I took in October.
I'm sorry if anyone was looking forward to them.
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